I haven’t written in such a long time that I feel almost like an impostor for trying again. It’s been more than a year since I stopped writing publicly regularly. I say publicly because I didn’t stop writing completely, I just stopped writing to share with the world.
Last summer I discovered just how much of my important thinking and decision making is done through the written word. I’m so much better at writing it out, mulling it over, and then sharing it for feedback. As much as people might assume I don’t have a filter, I really do. I am not a make-quick-decisions-on-the-fly kind of person and writing is by far the best way for me to think through said decisions.
However, when you’re trying to be with someone who doesn’t necessarily understand the need to think ahead of big decisions, and really doesn’t understand the need to
overshare their life in order to get feedback about those decisions, blogging might not be the best medium to process your life. Instead, I started writing much more privately. Emails, cards and letters to a certain individual to help me think through the good and bad times.
Unfortunately, that writing wasn’t enough to bring us to the same conclusions. I’m fine and no I don’t really want to talk about it. If anything, the writing I’ve done in the last year taught me so much about myself that it was probably the best thing for me even if it didn’t bring me to the future I had hoped.
Now that I no longer have someone to write so privately to though, I find myself withdrawing from the world in many of the ways I used to. When I am down and troubled, I surround myself with my most comfortable things – namely my wine, my books, and my cats. Things that cannot judge me, hurt my feelings, or disappoint me (for very long at least).
I realized that I tend to blog blog when I am at my low points as a way to drag myself out of that solitude and I hope to do that again now that I once again need a way to reach out to the world and share my thoughts. I have done a lot of soul searching lately and I feel that I once again have things that I am not afraid to share with any people who are willing to listen.
We’ll see where this journey takes me. We all know I’ve tried this time and time again and haven’t necessarily stuck with it.
But even if no one is reading, I need to know that I have expressed myself – even if it’s primarily about those three things that never judge.
But then again… those three things shouldn’t surprise you. You are, afterall, visiting a site called Thirsty, Nerdy Cats.